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Adios WordPress

January 7, 2011

The BroCave is looking to expand and monetize, therefore The BroCave will be hosted by “Blogger” through Google.  You can find the current BroCave at it’s new address .  Goodbye WordPress.


Debut of the Hoodie Blazer

January 7, 2011


The Big Shamrock himself whips out a new style on late night TV.  I’d jump on the Hoodie-Blazer bandwagon solely because Big Shaq Diesel is backing it.  I’m roaming eBay as we speak. What do you think Bros?


January 6, 2011

Just a day after the Panthers claimed they would not trade the first pick, and the pick that would in all likelihood be Andrew Luck, Stanford’s Quarterback decided he is heading back to school for his fourth year.  Luck is turning down upwards of potentially $60 million guaranteed.  Theres plenty of reasons why Luck wouldn’t want to take his talents to the NFL but come on, $60 mil isn’t something your everyday contract, unless you would be playing for the Carolina Panthers.

First of all, people keep forgetting that there may not be an NFL season next year.  I’ve done two separate presentations in school based on what is happening between the NFLPA and the owners.  Right now its a mess, and an agreement seems miles away.  One hot topic is that the NFLPA would like the rookie salary structure drastically changed because they feel the unproven players are paid too much in comparison to proven veterans.  If Luck isn’t guaranteed he would be drafted, why would he leave school and take the risk?  Luck has made it clear that his degree matters to he and his family.

Second, who wants to play for the Carolina Panthers?  Honestly, any other team within the top 5 has a better resume for a player whether its history, fans, location, or talent.  I myself can only name a few players on the Panthers team off the top of my head; DeAngelo Williams, Jonathan Stewart, Jon Beason, and Steve Smith.  There has already been speculation that the Panthers oldest player and biggest star Steve Smith is preparing to leave Carolina.  The money is the only attractive facet of going from a top 10 college football team, to an NFL bottom feeder who will require at least 3 or 4 years before they contend again.  By that time, who knows if they’ll even exist.

You’ve gotta start thinking that maybe, just maybe, Stanford’s Head Coach Jim Harbaugh will turn down the coaching jobs around the NFL for another shot at winning a PAC-12 championship with Andrew Luck.  The only way Harbaugh does leave, is if an NFL team (which seems to be Miami), offers him a contract so bizarre for a Head Coach, that he can’t refuse it.  As of now he’s looking at around $8 million per year from the Miami Dolphins.  Besides the Panthers, the Dolphins themselves are starting to lack talent with a backfield containing a deteriorating Ronnie Brown, a very high Ricky Williams, and no quarterback.  Plus let’s not forget that Miami still has a Head Coach.

The way I see it, if both Harbaugh and Luck return to Stanford, they each get a shot to stay in the area the next year if they decide to move on to the NFL.  I anticipate the San Francisco 49ers have a pretty dismal year, and based on the history of returning college quarterbacks, Luck won’t find himself as successful next year at Stanford.  However, the NFL and money will always be there, so why not roll the dice and hopefully find yourself drafted by a more talented team next year?  Andrew Luck made the right decision regardless of his performance next season, he’s headed back to college, the greatest time of anyone’s life.  As for the Carolina Panthers, I guess you would just have to call them unLucky.

Are You Kidding Me Bro?

January 5, 2011

BEIJING (Reuters) – Torrential icy rain across five provinces in southern China has forced 58,000 people to evacuate from their damaged homes, causing economic losses of $203.8 million, the ministry of civil affairs said on Wednesday.
Freezing rain has pummeled the provinces of Jiangxi, Hunan, Chongqing, Sichuan and Guizhou in the past few days, killing one person and causing more than 1,200 houses to collapse, the ministry added.

The harsh weather in southern China, where winter is usually relatively mild, has damaged 142,400 hectares of crops in the provinces that produce rice, timber and coal and caused economic losses of 1.35 billion yuan ($203.8 million) as of Tuesday, the ministry added.

In southwestern Guizhou province, 22,800 people were forced to evacuate from their homes on Tuesday, state news agency Xinhua reported.

The icy weather and sleet have paralyzed traffic and strained power networks in some areas ahead of the vast migrations of people for the Lunar New Year holiday next month. Highways in Guizhou have been clogged in the past few days, leaving thousands stranded in their cars as almost all expressways in the province were closed, said the Guizhou Provincial Department of Transport.

On Tuesday, traffic slowly returned to normal in Guizhou as all ice-covered highways reopened after being closed for over 30 hours. Guizhou’s provincial weather forecaster warned that it could take five more days for the cold and rainy weather to subside.

In early 2008, freezing weather across southern China caused power cuts and transport chaos, preventing many residents from spending the Lunar New Year with their families. The disruption rippled across the region, causing a brief spike in food prices.

The big deal with this here is that China is basically better than us in everything.  We’re good at drinking, they’re good at having babies, making nukes, and doing math.  We have baseball, they have Ninja Warrior.  We all know which is more fun to watch.

But you know what? At least we can build goddamn houses.  Seriously, maybe its about time I take a trip out East to check out these “homes”.  Are they made of mud and popsicle sticks?  58,000 people were forced to evacuate from their homes.  Maybe they aren’t as prepared for the winters like we are, understandable, but come the fuck on, its freezing rain.  I guess the reasonable explanation is that they were made in China.

I like how this writer needs to add that a grand total of 1 person was killed this entire time, oh, how horrific.  I’d say out of evacuating 58,000 people, 1 person dead is no biggie. 

Theres video of people salting highways by hand.  I say good luck to you sirs, you’re absolutely fucked.  Oh and have fun heating up your railways up by hand too, that’s a guaranteed fix.  Next you should try dumping water on everything, watch it melt, then move on.  There’s no way it refreezes. 

Looks like you might have to give your good ‘ol friends in the US of A a call.  Upstate New York can chip in the Salt and Trucks, then how about we call the $1 trillion we owe you even.  May the force be with you Bros, you’re going to need it.

Say Goodbye to the Beard

January 4, 2011

Hamburg, NY – Until early afternoon today, it was just another day that Bills fans could celebrate the false hope of what the third overall pick in 2011’s NFL draft would bring them.  Quarterback of the Buffalo Bills Ryan Fitzpatrick, formerly known as the “Amish Rifle”, did his part to make the typical Bills fan’s day just a bit more disappointing.  As the season progressed, the beard was honestly one of the only things I had to look forward to seeing when I watched a Bills game, and now it’s gone.  “I’m fighting the tears right now,” said Fitzpatrick sarcastically.  Fitzpatrick was forced to keep them beard the entire season by teammates after he initially only grew it out because he was lazy.  He came out nearly unrecognizable bearing a name tag saying “Hello, My Name is Ryan Fitzpatrick.”  Come on Bro, you’re better than that.  Now you just look like a 12-year-old boy.

The Champ is Here

January 4, 2011

I think its safe to say it was a good 2 days in The BroCave.  First, I claimed some cash in a big Fantasy Football Championship win.  Second, I hit a 4 team parlay after Stanford rocked Virginia Tech last night.  And of course, I defeated the arrogant challenger Ben Myer in a cookoff.  Iron Chef: Willard. 

The night prior to the competition, Bennett aggressively attacked me via text, his preferred, safest style of provocation.  You could say that this lit my fire, or in more proper cooking terms, got the water boiling. 

While he was drinking, I was preparing, gathering items that I knew no matter what the dish, would propel me to victory.  Of course as you can imagine, Big Ben demanded that bringing outside ingredients was illegal since he didn’t think of doing it himself.  Erroneous. 

Key items that were chosen secretly and required for use were used.  Every other ingredient used is free game.  Mess with the Bull, and you get the horns.  Scores were based on taste, presentation, and originality by five judges.  The BroCave was represented with pride.  In a close victory of 237-234, yours truly declared the Willard Iron Chef crown, and defeated the now not so disdainful challenger.

P.S. – Check out the comment for a little more insight into how vain Bennett still is since he can’t accept not getting something he wanted.  You challenged, you lost, and I won.  Toodaloo Mothafuckaaaaaaa.

So Easy a CaveBro Can do it: Snooki Polizzi

January 3, 2011

I was having a great New Years until this happened.  Snookilicious had to ruin my night.  First of all not only is Snooki ugly, Holy Balls is she annoying.  She gives not only Italian-Americans a bad image, she gives all Americans a bad image.  I don’t know what weighed more Snooki, or the ball itself.  Snooki is so easy that the entire male cast of The Big Bang theory could bang her (See Below).  Now look at those guys.  I’ll give Snooki credit, at least she didn’t  say what Ke$ha said on Friday night.  Ke$ha stated that her New Years resolution was to not be a douche bag.  Thanks to Ke$ha, I am now officially afraid of the future of America.  Please welcome the 4th edition of “So easy a cavebro can do it.”

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