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The Church of Tebow Prevails

January 3, 2011


It was Fantasy Football Championship week in the SUNY Cortland Fantasy Football league where Brobama’s very own number 1 seed Church of Tebow took on the likes of number 2 seed Jetsfan17.  The scene was set for a sure showdown.  As the week went by I took the initiative by quietly researching the start/sit statuses across the league, remaining very sly. 

Church of Tebow managed to snag both Running Back Ryan Mathews who took over for the injured Mike Tolbert, and Ben Roethlisberger. Both were released by Team Ramrod who was participating in the 3rd place game to get his money back.  The Roethlisberger move was obviously in question as it was a guarantee Ramrod’s Michael Vick would not play, but he still had Green Bay Packer Aaron Rodgers on the team.  But lets just say I wasn’t complaining since I knew the my very own Tom Brady would only have limited time during this week’s contest versus the Miami Dolphins. 

Jetsfan17 managed to dominate the Special Teams and Defensive aspect of the match this week, but anyone who plays Fantasy Football can tell you that Defense does not wins championships…. in Fantasy.  Only one player on Jetfan17’s offense trumped any of Church of Tebow’s players, that being Reggie Wayne.  However, there’s no “I” in team. 

Prayers were answered in the Church of Tebow this week as every player knew what was on the line, and stepped their game up to claim the Championship victory.  Ryan Mathews and Rushing title winner Arian Foster rose to the occasion and lifted their team to the title this week in a 184.10 to 118.62 stomping. 

Take note that the Church of Tebow finishes the season on a 9 game winning streak, the last loss coming from none other than Jetsfan17 in week 7.  The Church of Tebow would like to thank all of its fans and supporters throughout the year, without you this victory wouldn’t be as special as it is.  Until next year, don’t forget to keep praying in the Church of Tebow, and as always, Fuck the Jets.

Official Final Standings:

1) Church of Tebow
2) Jetsfan17
3) Playbook of Eli
4) Team Ramrod
5) Snicklfritz
6) Private Zajac’s Crew
7) Keith Stone
8 ) Ben There Raped That
9) PurplePeopleEaters28
10) EarlDontBeAHero


I’m Glad I Don’t Know Her

January 3, 2011

Papa Fuckin Johns right?  This just goes to show you how impatient we Americans are.  This college student is so impatient she gets into a verbal battle with the cooks of a fast food pizza restaurant.  After waiting for ten excruciating minutes, the customer let’s the cooks know what’s on her mind.  I guess she must have been having a rough day.  After screaming at the cooks she decides it would be okay to throw her drink at a bro in line for his own pie.  As you would imagine, he didn’t appreciate that.  The two start mouthing off at each other, the rhino charges back with a head of steam at the bro and like all tough bros do in a fight, they curse and have their other bros hold them back before they do anything they’ll regret in jail the next morning.  The best part of the clip has to be some chick in the back obnoxiously laughing during the entire altercation.  Like the title says, “I’m glad I don’t know her.”

2012 is Just Around the Corner

January 3, 2011

It hasn’t been 2011 for a week and it already seems like the world is going to end.  We all have heard the rumors of the Mayans predicting that the world will end on December 21st, 2012.  Well they might be right.  In fact it seems like the world might end even sooner.  On Sunday just over 2,000 red-winged black birds were found dead in a small Arkansas town.  The mayor of the town stated that on Friday afternoon, birds began falling from the sky.  The last bird recorded came on Sunday morning.  The mayor sent out 12 to 15 workers to clean up all the birds.  Now as if this story isn’t weird enough, the believed cause of the birds death is stress from all the New Years Eve fireworks that were set off on Friday night.

Now I’m not a person who believes in things like 2012, however this is still some pretty freaky shit.  I could see maybe one or two birds falling dead in a town, but over 2,000!  Holy Balls is that a lot of dead birds.  I’m not sure if I’m buying that the fireworks led the birds to be stressed out.  Arkansas needs to change whatever the hell they’re doing over there because its not good to have birds falling out of the sky like that.  Birds are supposed to fly and stay in the sky.  Welcome the first weird news story of 2011.

Tommy Coughlin Will Return

January 2, 2011

According to Bob Glauber of Newsday, John Mara, Co-Owner of the New York Giants has spoken; “There was never any doubt.”  Mara was of course referring to the status of Head coach Tom Coughlin, and if he would return next season. 

“I believe in stability. You can’t build anything if you’re constantly making changes and firing people”, said Mara.  This is one thing that many professional sports lack when they hit a rough patch, desperately looking for a way to recover and grasp onto their . 

I’ll use my disappointing Buffalo Bills as a prime example of this because it is so easy to.  Year after year the Western New York area has been filled with false hope for the past decade.  The Bills have mowed through 5 different head coaches in the past 10 years, not including this year’s head coach, Chan Gailey.  In these past 10 years the Bills overall record was 66-94.  During none of these years were the Bills blessed with a guaranteed starting quarterback for any season.  It almost felt as though every year the Bills were on the edge of something by playing hard, but would fall apart due to injuries, coaching mistakes, and simply not having enough talent.  The truth is that the instability in within the desperate Bills organization has held them back.

This year the New York Giants went 10-6, and were squeezed out of the playoff picture.  Tom Coughlin’s overall record as Head Coach of the Giants is 65-47 which equals a  .580 win percentage.  The last coach of the G-Men to compile a better record in his tenure was Bill Parcells who was 77-49, which is equivalent to a .611 win percentage. 

The point is that this year was not an unsuccessful year.  Yes, New York’s Football Giants failed to make the playoffs for the second consecutive year, the pressure will be on Tom to prevail next year.  However, the majority of “experts” predicted that the Giants would finish 2nd or worse in the division, many besides ESPN’s analysts thought it would be another 8-8 season.  The truth is, when you have a centerpiece as important to your organization as Coughlin has been, whether its his record or the 2007 Super Bowl win, you do not simply let that stability and reliability fly out the door. 

I understand that New York City is a place full of desire and emotions, but its time to look closely at your situation and be thankful for what you have in your football team.  2011 looks promising for the New York Football Giants.

Poll of the Week: Basketball Coaches

December 31, 2010

Good Morning, Good Afternoon, & Good Night

December 31, 2010


To be honest, I thought the Connecticut Huskies were going to win out and continue the streak into next year.  I guess that shows me how much I know about Women’s College Basketball. 

After 90 games, the UCONN winning streak has finally been ended by the Cardinal of Stanford.  I also learned that the streak wasn’t actually the longest in Division I NCAA sports as the Penn State Women’s Volleyball team won 109 consecutive games.  So the UCONN Women’s basketball team did not in fact have the longest winning streak in Division I history, which is claimed by the Nittany Lions. 

So i guess this means UCONN owns the longest Women’s basketball streak.  Clearly its quite an honor in a sport with so many tight games, and the spotlight always shining on women’s sports.  Any publicity the Huskies had is now nonexistent.

At least this means the ESPN network can take UCONN off ESPN 2 and maybe play a flashbacks of old college football games, which is guaranteed to generate more excitement and a larger viewing audience than any 5 women’s basketball games.

The Sexting Silver Fox Strikes Again

December 29, 2010
RotoWorld – Despite Joe Webb’s impressive game Tuesday night, interim coach Leslie Frazier is sticking with Brett Favre in the season finale if the veteran passes his concussion test.  After Tuesday night’s game, it’s fair to question whether Favre gives the Vikes a better chance to win. It would be nice to see Webb with a chance to build on his performance, though we can understand wanting to give Favre one more chance for a memorable moment in the last game of his career.
 After watching “Tuesday Night Football”, the only thing I can say to this is “Are you fucking kidding me?!?”  Joe Webb, some Bro drafted to be a receiver steps in and plays quarterback, defeating the potential Super Bowl bound Philadelphia Eagles in his first start. 

I’m sorry, is the pussy known as Brad Childress still coaching the Vikes?  Besides that, time is running out to suspend Brett for the sexting festivities that Favre partook in, otherwise Jenn Sterger plans to sue the dick sexter.  I feel a lawsuit coming on.  Maybe Brett is in the middle of a conspiracy, and is telling Interim Head Coach Leslie Frazier that he can play, hoping there’s a chance he gets suspended so he doesn’t have to take his sexting to court.  But who wants to end a career like that?

I suppose you could argue that Brett wants that last memorable moment in the NFL, but he’s had that moment at the end of each of the past 3 years.  But what if you don’t give him that moment for what he yet again hints will be his final year in the NFL?  He isn’t going to be inducted into the Hall of Fame as a Viking, everyone knows that, so what would Minnesota have to gain from the move?  Give the kid a chance Brett, your time is long beyond over, no one wants to see you literally die on the field.  A lot of people hate you, but it’s actually becoming sad that you really can’t let go. 

There have been a few of those near-death moments just this year alone.  Brett, remember when you were sleeping like a baby in a trainer’s arms when you were carted off the field? Or how about when no name fill-in Arthur Moats leveled your shit in Buffalo?  Did that make you feel good?  That’s the legacy that you’re leaving behind you.  Not the gunslinger legacy that you’re fighting through pain for your team to win the game, but that you’re continually fighting every instinct and easily identifiable reason to stop playing football because of your mental instabilities you have associated with football, your obsession.  Get a hint Brett, stick to the Wrangler commercials, and stay away from the messaging plans at Verizon Wireless.

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